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Hope
Pairing: Kirk Prime/Spock Prime
Rating: PG
Summary: Spock Prime dreams of Jim while alone on Delta Vega.
Warnings: Suicidal thoughts
Words: ~700
Of course it is happening inside your head, Harry, but why on earth should that mean that it is not real?
– Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows
So many dead.
Spock sits and stares into the fire. The average temperature of Delta Vega is well below freezing, and even with the fire he can feel the cold seeping into him, sapping his strength. He can still feel the pain of billions of Vulcan deaths in his mind, and cannot shake the thought that it is his fault. If he had been faster, better; if he had succeeded in saving
So many dead, and yet he lives on. Part of him wishes that he had died with them. The cold is making him tired and, as he closes his eyes, he thinks that it would be so... easy to just let go. Everyone he cares about has left him; he could see them again. He could see Jim again.
Opening his eyes again, he reaches up to touch the pendant fastened around his neck, then curls his fingers around it tightly. So many decades and he has never parted with it; now it is all he has left of the world he knew. He has fought for so long, and is so very tired; more tired than he has ever been before. Dropping his hand, he closes his eyes and surrenders to the darkness.
* * *
“Spock?”
He opens his eyes to find Jim Kirk kneeling in front of him. He looks exactly as he did the last time Spock saw him, the day before the accident on the
Spock blinks. “Am I dead?” He realises as he says it that he isn’t sure what he wants the answer to be.
Jim smiles. “Not yet.”
Spock glances around; they are still in the cave. “This is not real,” he says with understanding. He has had this dream thousands of times over the years, though it has never been quite like this.
Jim frowns slightly, appearing to consider his statement. “Well, that really depends on your point of view, doesn’t it?” He reaches forward and runs his fingers down Spock’s cheek. “If I wasn’t real, could I do this?”
Spock grabs hold of his hand. “Don’t.” Thousands of times, and it always ends the same way; with him waking up alone.
“I know what you were planning to do,” Jim says quietly. “I can’t let you.”
“You cannot stop me,” Spock points out, aware of the insanity of conversing with what is likely a figment of his imagination. He ignores the feeling; it may be an illusion, but for now he wants to at least pretend it is real.
Jim twists the hand that Spock still holds until he can entwine their fingers. “”What happened wasn’t your fault,” he says firmly.
Spock doesn’t respond.
“How many times did you save my life?” Jim asks, squeezing Spock’s fingers. “Let me save yours.”
“Why?” Spock asks, honestly curious. “We could be together.”
“We’ll be together again soon,” Jim promises. “But not yet. There’s something you have to do first.”
“And what is that?” Spock wants so badly to believe as he stares into Jim’s eyes.
Jim leans forward, and whispers, “Save my life. One more time.”
Spock stares at him. “I don’t understand.”
Jim smiles. “You will.” He traces Spock’s eyebrow lightly, then closes the gap between them and softly presses their lips together.
* * *
Spock awakens with a start. He is alone, and the familiar pain stabs at him before he is distracted by a yell from the cave entrance. Acting on instinct, he picks up a branch from the fire and rushes in the direction of the noise.
He finds a young man being attacked by one of the native creatures. Approaching them, he swipes at the creature with the flaming branch and succeeds in frightening it enough to release the human. On an ice planet, fire is a great deterrent. He swipes at it again, and again, until it turns tail and runs. Heart pounding from the exertion, he turns to greet the young man, and feels his breath catch.
It is Jim. So young, impossibly young, but it is unmistakeably Jim Kirk. His dream comes back to him in a flash. Save my life.
Perhaps there is hope after all.
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