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Hearts and Minds: Chapter 3 - Discovery Part 1
Pairing: Kirk Prime/Spock Prime, Spock/Uhura, eventual Kirk/Spock
Rating: PG-13
Beta:
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secret_chord25, many thanks. Summary: When the Enterprise encounters a ship caught in the Nexus, their rescue attempt beams aboard someone unexpected; Kirk Prime. Kirk and Spock are forced to confront what their counterparts' relationship might mean for their own.
Notes: I had to split this chapter into two parts because livejournal is evil.
Words: ~2400/33000
Spock rushes out of sickbay, attempting to forget what he has just seen. He cannot deal with this right now; there is work to be done-
He almost jumps in shock when he feels a hand on his shoulder. Whirling round, he sees Kirk looking worried.
“Are you okay?” Kirk asks in an undertone.
“I am fine.” Spock straightens his uniform. “We should identify the attacker and place him under arrest.” He moves off in the direction of the turbolift.
Kirk follows. “Do you know what happened, then?
“Not precisely. The memories leading up to the attack were somewhat fragmented, which, I assume, is from the trauma.” Spock thinks, as they enter the turbolift, that with more time he could perhaps have learned exactly what happened. But he is having a hard enough time with the memories he has already seen, and the idea of another mindmeld with his counterpart is particularly unappealing.
As they wait for the lift to reach the correct floor, Spock concentrates on blocking out the irrelevant memories. Being alone with the captain is really not helping him deal with the unexpected after-effects of the mindmeld, and it doesn’t seem to matter how much he tells himself that this is an entirely different reality.
“Are you sure you’re all right?” Kirk asks with evident concern, jerking Spock out of his thoughts. “You ran out of sickbay like you’d seen a ghost.”
Thankfully, the doors open before Spock has to answer that question. He leads the way to the conference room where the crew of the Archimedes is congregated. He and Kirk enter with several security men; Spock scans the room. He quickly identifies a blond ensign no older than Chekov and points him out to security.
The young man seems willing to come quietly, but the older lieutenant next to him insists on coming with them. Kirk protests for a moment, then shrugs and allows them to stay together. The two men are almost silent on the way to the brig; all Kirk and Spock learn is that their identities are Ensign Russell Saunders and Lieutenant Jack Morris, and that they are cousins. The lieutenant spends the short trip attempting to keep himself between Ensign Saunders and the
They leave the security personnel to question Ensign Saunders, and Kirk claps Spock on the shoulder. “Well, this was certainly an eventful day, huh? Chess tonight?” He smiles and for a few seconds all Spock can do is stare, struck by the way the captain’s entire face seems to light up. Then he realises what he is doing and actively takes a step backwards, trying to ignore Kirk’s slightly hurt expression.
It’s at that moment that Uhura appears. She looks from Spock to Kirk and back. “Am I interrupting something?”
“No,” Spock says, turning away from Kirk and concentrating on Uhura. “Was there something you wanted?”
“I wondered if you wanted to have dinner with me tonight.”
“Of course,” Spock says. “My quarters at 19:00?”
She nods, and Spock turns back to Kirk. “Captain, I am afraid I will have to decline your offer of chess.”
Kirk’s expression is unreadable. “Okay; maybe another time.”
Something in his tone makes Spock want to take back his words, and that thought brings a sudden urge to get as far away from the captain as possible. “The mindmeld with my counterpart was more taxing than I had anticipated. If it is acceptable, I would like to meditate for a time.”
“Yeah, sure,” Kirk says, waving a hand. The odd tone is gone from his voice. “I’ll go tell him that we’ve found the guy.”
He heads off towards the turbolift, leaving Spock and Uhura alone.
“Are you feeling okay?” Uhura asks, with a hint of concern.
He allows his expression to soften slightly as he stares at her. “It is nothing serious. I am merely slightly fatigued.” He moves off and she follows.
“I hear your counterpart’s going to be fine,” Uhura offers as they make their way to his quarters.
Spock resists a grimace at the mention of his elder self. “Yes; his apparent resilience bodes well for me.” He glances at her and she smiles a little.
“I went to see him,” she says lightly, “when I was looking for you.” She pauses. “He and the older Kirk are very close, aren’t they?”
He notices something in her tone that he cannot identify and frowns. “Vulcans do not engage in casual friendships. For my counterpart to count Kirk as a friend, they would have to be very close.” This is the truth. It is also a way of avoiding the question.
He is grateful that Uhura doesn’t push the issue, though he sees an odd look cross her face before she changes the subject. “So, what do you think of this other Kirk, then? He doesn’t seem much like the captain.”
“I have not yet had the chance to form an impression,” Spock replies stiffly, wishing she would discuss something else. “However, my counterpart does not resemble myself in many ways. They are from an alternate universe, as well as being a great deal older.” He speeds up a little, wanting to get to his quarters and end this conversation as quickly as possible, before the memories that are not his overwhelm him.
Uhura lapses into silence; he wonders if he has hurt her with his abruptness, but he cannot deal with extraneous thoughts at present. Thankfully, they reach his cabin a short time later.
As he turns to her, she lays a hand on his arm. “I’ll see you tonight.”
Spock nods, reaching out and briefly laying his own hand over hers. Then he enters his quarters and locks the door.
He drops into a sitting position, hoping that meditation will help him deal with the emotions the mindmeld has stirred up; images of his and Kirk’s counterparts sharing a bond that went far beyond simple friendship.
Spock is at a loss to explain it. He and Kirk have become friends over the past months, but this? He cannot help wondering if this is the true reason for his elder self’s insistence that he stay with the
The most unsettling thing is that part of him longs for a relationship like that - to be so close to someone it were as if they were a part of him. There is a word in Vulcan for that kind of relationship, one that is rarely used, and yet featured prominently in the memories of the alternate him-and-Kirk; t’hy’la. Friend, brother, lover… soulmate.
Spock cannot deny that he has felt drawn to Jim Kirk since the day they met, but the idea that the illogical human could possibly be his t’hy’la is somewhat difficult to assimilate. Besides, he tells himself firmly, he is already in a relationship, and he is quite content. Nyota Uhura is everything that James Kirk isn’t: logical, reliable, safe - and she truly cares for him. Leaving her for Kirk would be the height of illogic.
And yet, no matter how he tries, he cannot get his mind off of the memories. There is one memory in particular that is impossible to ignore; he assumes it is a bonding ceremony between his and Kirk’s counterparts. That would be unnerving enough by itself, but what really captures Spock’s attention is that his mother is there.
He feels a stab of pain at this vision of the life she will never have. His mother never met Uhura, will never meet Kirk, but in the memory she is smiling, welcoming Kirk into the family as if it were the most natural thing in the universe. The idea that even his mother approved is too much and Spock gives up his attempt at meditation, deciding that he will have to confront his counterpart. He pulls himself to a standing position with a sigh and heads out of his quarters towards sickbay.
When he arrives, he finds his counterpart sitting up in bed conversing with Kirk’s counterpart. The elder Kirk is sitting on the edge of the bed, and they are looking at each other as if there were no one else in the universe. Spock is filled with the odd longing again but determinedly pushes it down.
His counterpart looks up at that moment, and sees him. “Spock.”
Spock steps forward. “I wish to speak with you.” His eyes flick to the elder Kirk. “Alone, if possible.”
The two older men stare at each other for a moment. Now that he knows what to look for, Spock can spot the signs of a telepathic bond between them. Fascinating.
Jim stands. “I’ll be outside if you need me.” He looks mildly surprised when Spock’s counterpart extends two fingers, but quickly meets them with his own and smiles.
Spock stares after him for a moment when he leaves, then turns to confront his elder self. “You are bonded.”
It isn’t a question, but the elder Spock answers anyway. “Yes.”
“Why did you not inform me of this?” Spock pours all of his confusion and frustration into that one question.
His elder self sighs. “Would you have believed me?” He looks away. “In any case, it would have been unfair of me - selfish, even - to interfere in that way.” He looks back at Spock as he adds, “It is the same reason I did not accompany Jim to the
“Why him?” Spock bursts out. The logic of the situation escapes him.
His counterpart meets his eyes. “Because I love him,” he says.
Spock swallows, his father’s words echoing in his head. I married her because I loved her. “You call him t’hy’la,” he says quietly.
His counterpart sighs. “Yes.”
“If you expect our relationship to mirror your own-”
“I do not,” his counterpart interrupts. He pauses for a few seconds. “You are happy with Lieutenant Uhura?” He seems genuinely curious.
“We are content,” Spock answers, then adds, “You were never involved with her.” He has suspected for some time, and is now certain of it.
“No.” His elder self spreads his hands. “I have no regrets. But the timelines have changed; it is possible that your destiny differs from mine.” He leans towards Spock. “All I can ask is that you do not underestimate James Kirk. Jim became the most important person in my life long before we were bonded. Your friendship with him can still be life-changing, even if it does not follow the path of my own.”
There is little that Spock can say in response to that. After a moment he manages, “I will consider what you have said.”
He leaves without looking back.
* * *
Dinner with Uhura is usually a pleasant experience, but tonight it seems awkward and uncomfortable. In the middle of the meal Uhura puts down her fork and asks unexpectedly, “Do you love me?”
Spock blinks, taken off guard. “I… I am a Vulcan.” It is all he can think of to say.
Uhura looks down at her plate. “Yeah; that’s what I thought.” She sighs. “Spock… I think we need to talk.”
“About?”
“About us.” She meets his eyes, visibly upset. “I think…. I think we should just be friends.”
“I do not understand.”
She twists her hands together. “I care about you a lot – you have to know that.”
Spock nods.
“And I know you care about me.” Uhura takes a deep breath. “But it feels like we’re drifting apart. Sometimes it seems like when you’re here with me, you’re not really here. There’s this space inside that I can’t reach.”
He stares at her. “I thought you understood Vulcans.”
“I do. And if that was the only problem, maybe I could deal with it.” She gets to her feet and begins to pace. “What’s going on with you and Kirk?”
Spock frowns in confusion. “To what are you referring?”
She turns to him with a look of disbelief, which quickly changes to shock as she stares at him. “My God; you don’t even see it.”
Spock feels frustration begin to batter at his controls. “Will you please explain what you are talking about?” Then something occurs to him. “Does this have anything to do with my counterpart?” He remembers the odd tone in her voice when she’d mentioned the elder him-and-Kirk.
Uhura sits down on his bed. “A little. But I don’t think I would’ve noticed anything if I hadn’t already been thinking about it. The way you act around him; the way he acts around you. I thought… I wondered if there was something going on between you two, but now I just think you’re both idiots.”
Spock blinks. “You believed the captain and I were involved?”
“I didn’t know what to think.” Uhura gestures helplessly. “I mean, I didn’t think you’d actually cheat on me, but at the same time, it was pretty difficult not to notice the way you two look at each other.” There is a hint of bitterness in her tone.
He moves over to sit beside her. “I care deeply for you, Nyota.”
She looks down at her hands. “But you don’t love me.”
He has no response to that, so moves on to her next point. “I have no interest in the captain.”
Uhura meets his eyes. “Really?”
He is about to reassure her, but something makes him pause and think about it, about all of it: his growing friendship with Kirk; the emotions stirred up by the mindmeld; his elder self’s words. And suddenly, he isn’t so sure of the correct course of action. “I am… uncertain,” he admits, frowning.
“And that’s why this isn’t going to work.” She lays a hand on his shoulder. “I really would like us to stay friends.”
Spock nods, mind reeling. “If that is what you want.”
Uhura takes her hand off his shoulder and stands, blinking rapidly. “I should go.”
He nods again, watching as she leaves. When the door slides shut, he moves to sit on the floor, hoping that meditation will provide some answers.
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Wonder what will happen between Reboot!Kirk and Spock now that they're both single.