Hearts and Minds: Chapter 6 - Connection

[lah_mrh]

Fandom: Star Trek Reboot (although numerous references to TOS)
Pairing: Kirk Prime/Spock Prime, Spock/Uhura, eventual Kirk/Spock
Rating: PG-13
Beta: secret_chord25, many thanks.
Summary: When the Enterprise encounters a ship caught in the Nexus, their rescue attempt beams aboard someone unexpected; Kirk Prime. Kirk and Spock are forced to confront what their counterparts' relationship might mean for their own.
Words: ~6000/33000

 

Spock arrives at Kirk’s quarters promptly at 21:00. He enters when the door opens and immediately notices that the temperature is set to a much higher level than ship-normal. Clearly Kirk is attempting to make him feel more comfortable, and Spock is touched by the gesture.

 

Kirk is sitting in his customary seat at the desk. He is wearing a blue T-shirt, presumably due to the heat, and Spock notes that it is the same colour as Kirk’s eyes. Kirk holds out both fists as Spock approaches. “Pick one.”

 

“Right.”

 

Kirk opens his right fist to reveal a white pawn. “Guess you start,” he says, placing both pawns back on the board.

 

Spock sits down opposite and moves one of his pawns to begin the game. Last night was the first time anyone beat him at chess in a very long time. He originally agreed to play against the captain as a way of getting to know him, rather than with any expectation of finding a worthy opponent, and two dozen chess games did not change his opinion. He considered stopping the games, but Kirk genuinely seemed to enjoy Spock’s company, and there were so few people he could say that about.

 

As they play, they talk. At their first chess match, Kirk created a rule that Spock was not allowed to discuss ship’s business, pointing out that they could do that anytime. Spock acquiesced to the demand, although it left him with little to talk about. It ended up not mattering, however – Kirk had a truly impressive array of conversation topics, almost all of them completely pointless and illogical. Tonight, though, he seems particularly interested in Spock.

 

“Did you love Uhura?” Kirk asks out of the blue.

 

Spock tenses. “I do not believe that is any of your business.”

 

Kirk immediately backs down. “Yeah, sorry. I just…. You two seemed happy. I guess I’m just trying to figure out what happened.” He drums his fingers on the desk. “I talked to her.”

 

Spock raises his eyebrows, privately wondering what Uhura could have told Kirk. “Indeed?”

 

“Yeah. She wouldn’t tell me anything, either; just said it didn’t work out.”

 

“Was that the full extent of your conversation?” Spock asks, pretending to study the chessboard.

 

“Pretty much.” Kirk’s voice takes on a challenging note. “Why? Was there something else you expected her to say?”

 

Spock can’t help looking up from the board at that, and their eyes meet. For a moment it is as if the rest of the universe disappears, and Spock drags his eyes away, feeling as though something has just shifted radically.

 

He swiftly moves his attention back to the game, determinedly not looking at Kirk. “Check.”

 

Kirk makes a move almost at random. Spock has no way of knowing if Kirk was as affected by the brief connection as he was, or if this is just another of the captain’s illogical moves. Spock wins a few moves later, but through little more than luck; his mind is no longer on the game.

 

Kirk leans back in his chair. “You were going to show me how to do the salute.”

 

“That is correct,” Spock replies reluctantly, suddenly wishing he had not agreed to this.

 

Kirk seems to pick up on his thoughts. “You don’t have to, you know - if you have something better to do.”

 

Spock clamps down on his fear. Whatever this is, the scientist in him demands it be explored more thoroughly. “I have nothing better to do.” He moves his chair round so that he is seated next to Kirk, rather than with the desk separating them.

 

Kirk holds up his right hand. Spock notes that it is shaking ever so slightly, and his heart speeds up at the sight. Clearly Kirk is not unaffected by whatever has passed between them. “Spread your fingers,” Spock says quietly.

 

He watches as Kirk moves his fingers about and eventually resorts to pulling them apart with his left hand. “You make it look so easy,” Kirk says, looking down at his hand.

 

Spock swallows, then takes a deep breath and reaches forward. “Let me help.”

 

The moment his fingers touch Kirk’s, it is as if an electrical spark zips between them. Kirk actually gasps, and it is only Vulcan training that prevents Spock from displaying the same reaction. It is nothing like touching Uhura’s fingertips, warm and comforting – this is as if every nerve in his body has suddenly come alive.

 

Kirk pulls his hand away, eyes wide. “What the hell was that?”

 

Spock shakes his head. “I do not know. It has never happened before.” He raises his eyes to meet Kirk’s. “Was it unpleasant?”

 

Kirk shakes his head vehemently. “Definitely not unpleasant.” He bites his lip. “Can we try it again?”

 

Wordlessly Spock reaches out his hand and lets Kirk press their fingertips together. The sensation is less overwhelming now that he is expecting it. After a moment he realises that he can sense Kirk’s emotions through the touch. He makes an attempt to shield from them, but it is surprisingly difficult. The emotions are jumbled, but one comes through clearly: desire.

 

The idea that Kirk might desire him is a surprise, but more so to Spock is his own reaction, because at that moment he wants nothing more than to extend their contact. He moves his fingers against Kirk’s in a caress, watching the way the human’s pupils dilate.

 

Then it suddenly occurs to him what he is doing, and he abruptly pulls his hand away and stands up.

 

Kirk blinks a few times and then stands. Spock moves back a few steps, feeling a twinge at the hurt expression on Kirk’s face.

 

They stare at each other for a moment before Kirk looks away. “I’m sorry,” he says quietly. “You can leave if you want.”

 

Spock attempts to gather his thoughts. “Jim, I am not objecting to…” - he waves a hand - “…this. I merely need some time to adjust to the situation.”

 

Kirk’s expression brightens, and he runs a hand through his hair. “Yeah; I probably need some time myself.” He smiles. “Another game of chess, then?”

 

“Certainly.”

 

Spock notices that Kirk deliberately brushes their fingers together several times during the game and eventually feels the need to point out, “Are you aware of what this means between Vulcans?”

 

Kirk looks a little guilty. “Yeah, actually. Bones told me.”

 

Interesting. So the captain was aware of what asking for help with the salute would mean. Spock wonders how long Kirk has desired him - and when, exactly, the idea of Kirk desiring him became so appealing.

 

This time, the game ends in a draw.

 

* * *

 

The next day, when Spock enters the bridge, Kirk turns in his chair and gives him a beaming smile; Spock can feel his heart speed up at the sight. He holds Kirk’s gaze for just a moment longer than usual before proceeding over to his station. Last night is still fresh in his mind, and as he passes Uhura, he feels a flash of guilt. He tells himself it is illogical – she was the one who ended their relationship – but her implied acceptance of a hypothetical relationship between him and Kirk does not necessarily point to her acceptance of an actual one.

 

The shift is uneventful, and Spock has plenty of time to consider his next move. He now has proof that the captain is attracted to him, but that means little. Kirk is well known for his sexual exploits, and Spock has no wish to be one in a long line. On the other hand, Kirk’s response when Spock  moved away, and his easy agreement when Spock asked for time to adjust, speak to deeper feelings.

 

And then there is the matter of their counterparts.

 

Spock again considers his elder self’s memories. Their counterparts were as close as two people could possibly be; shared everything. Their relationship lasted for years, and it seems that even death could not stop it. Spock still has his doubts that he and Kirk could develop a relationship of that intensity, but finds he is willing to make the attempt.

 

When lunchtime rolls around, he is surprised to see Kirk appearing next to his chair. “I was wondering if you wanted to have lunch with me?” Kirk asks quietly.

 

The few times that Kirk asked in the past Spock always declined, unless there was urgent business to discuss. But this time is different, and after a moment, Spock accepts. The grin that Kirk gives him as they move towards the turbolift together convinces him that it was the right choice.

 

As the lift descends, Kirk turns to him and takes a deep breath. “Okay; cards on the table.”

 

Spock blinks at the idiom, and watches as Kirk seems to focus on a point somewhere over his left shoulder. “I just wanted to say that I….” He swallows. “I like you a lot, and if you want to go slowly with this, I can do that.” Kirk finally makes eye contact. “I just… thought you should know.”

 

Spock feels a warmth in his chest, and struggles slightly with his response. “Jim. I am fond of you as well.” He reaches forward and presses his fingers against Kirk’s, feeling the same spark as before. Then he goes a step further, and gently entwines their fingers.

 

Kirk’s face lights up. “I want to kiss you.”

 

“You are kissing me,” Spock points out, raising his eyebrows.

 

Kirk slaps Spock lightly on the shoulder with his free hand. “I meant the human way.”

 

At that moment, the doors open and Kirk pulls his hand away. Spock leans in as they proceed down the corridor. “Perhaps tonight,” he murmurs, and allows the corners of his mouth to twitch upwards very slightly at the expression on Kirk’s face.

 

* * * * *

 

After their little scene in the turbolift, it is difficult for Kirk to keep his mind on the job. Fortunately, the region of space they are currently travelling through is empty and extremely boring, which means that his full concentration isn’t needed.

 

He can still feel the way his whole body tingled when Spock touched his hand. Kirk remembers that Spock mentioned that nothing like that had happened before, and the idea that this is something unique to the two of them gives him embarrassingly warm and fuzzy feelings. (He makes a mental note to not tell McCoy, or he’ll never hear the last of it.)

 

He went to see his best friend earlier in the day, but there was some kind of accident in engineering and McCoy had his hands full with burns and other injuries. Kirk stayed long enough to make sure that no one was seriously injured and the incident hadn’t affected the engines, and left before McCoy could yell at him for getting in the way. In a way, he’s relieved that he didn’t get the chance to tell McCoy about the situation with Spock; he quite likes the idea of keeping it secret for a while.

 

As Kirk sets up the chessboard for their game, he wonders if the feeling when he and Spock touch has anything to do with what the elder Spock told him about their minds being particularly attuned. He resolves to ask his Spock about it later, if they don’t get distracted. Of course, the thought of distracting Spock sends his mind to very interesting places, and he reels it back reluctantly. They agreed to go slowly.

 

Still, a man could dream.

 

Kirk is startled out of his musings by the buzzer. Shaking his head, he presses the button to open the door, and watches as Spock steps in and lets the door slide closed behind him. Kirk stares at him for a moment; Spock is still in his uniform. They’ve been working together for the better part of a year now and he doesn’t think he’s ever seen Spock out of uniform. “Do you actually own any other clothes?” he blurts.

 

Spock looks down at his blue shirt. “I own many articles of clothing. I merely do not see the logic in expending time changing out of my uniform when there are other tasks to attend to.”

 

“Well, I’d like to see you out of uniform sometime,” Kirk muses, then blinks. “That didn’t come out right.” Spock raises an eyebrow and Kirk feels his cheeks heat up. “What I meant was that you could wear something else next time.” He shakes his head and smiles. “Anyway. I’m glad you’re here.”

 

Kirk steps forward and extends a hand, expecting Spock to press their fingers together like he did before. Instead, he takes hold of Kirk’s hand and gently curls all but the index and middle fingers against the palm. Then he presses his own index and middle fingers against Kirk’s.

 

“This is a common gesture of affection between Vulcan partners,” Spock explains, then drops his hand.

 

“Can you read my mind when you do that?” Kirk asks, eyes flicking from his hand to Spock’s face.

 

“In theory. In practice, it is much easier to read emotions than thoughts.” Spock raises his eyebrows. “I confess that your emotions are particularly difficult to shield from.”

 

“Is that a problem?” He never considered that he might be hurting Spock.

 

“It does not bother me unduly. I merely wished you to be informed – some humans have a particular aversion to the idea.” Spock frowns slightly.

 

Kirk wonders if he’s talking about anyone in particular. “If it doesn’t bother you, it doesn’t bother me.” He moves closer, putting on his best flirtatious expression. “You said I could kiss you.”

 

Something in Spock’s face shifts, and his eyes light up with something akin to mischief. “I will make you a deal. If you can best me at chess, I will allow you one kiss.”

 

“Just one?” Kirk pouts.

 

“I believe the phrase is ‘wait and see.’” Spock looks almost smug.

 

Kirk shrugs. After the first kiss, it shouldn’t be difficult to get Spock to agree to more. “All right; you’re on.” He moves over to the desk and sits down. “But I get to be white.”

 

Kirk uses his usual strategy of completely illogical moves. At the end of the game he’s not completely certain that Spock didn’t let him win, and wonders idly if chess is a kind of Vulcan foreplay or something. “Well, I guess you owe me a kiss,” he says, stretching.

 

Spock stands up gracefully; Kirk does the same, rather less gracefully. He steps out from behind the desk and then forward, into Spock’s personal space. Spock’s face is expressionless, but his eyes are warm. Kirk reaches up into Spock’s hair, marvelling at how soft it is. He takes a breath, and then presses their lips together softly.

 

Kirk’s kissed a lot of people in his time, but those have never been like this. It’s like the first time their fingers touched, times ten. He can’t keep from deepening the kiss, and feels Spock’s hands on his back. He slides his own hand until he can caress one pointy ear with his thumb. Spock makes a small noise of contentment, and Kirk swiftly raises his other hand to do the same with the other ear.

 

When they finally break apart, it takes Kirk a few moments to get his breath back. “Sure you don’t want to do that again?” he asks, noticing a very faint green flush to Spock’s cheeks.

 

“It was not unpleasant,” Spock manages, attempting to act aloof and failing miserably. “I would not be averse to a repeat performance.”

 

Kirk grins broadly and leans in again. This time he pushes Spock backwards until they are pressed against the wall. He can feel himself harden as he moves his hands down to Spock’s hips and can’t help but let out a groan when Spock takes hold of his shoulders, gently pushing him away.

 

They stare at each other for a moment, panting. “Jim,” Spock begins, and then pauses, as if searching for words.

 

Kirk groans again, this time at himself. “Am I moving too fast?” He gives Spock a plaintive look. “I’m sorry. You’re very hard to resist.”

 

“I think we should discuss this,” Spock tells him sternly, though one corner of his mouth twitches upwards.

 

Kirk takes a few seconds to think about deeply unsexy things. “Okay.” He sits down on the bed, noticing the look Spock is giving him. “Will you sit down? I promise not to ravish you.”

 

Spock raises an eyebrow, but sits. Kirk watches as he presses his palms together before turning to make eye contact. “For Vulcans, sexual activity is extremely intimate – much more so than for humans. It is impossible to engage in intercourse without some degree of telepathic contact. Because of this, casual relationships are extremely rare.”

 

Kirk considers the idea of having to share his mind with everyone he’s slept with. It’s a deeply unpleasant thought. “I guess that makes sense.”

 

“Additionally, sexual activity outside of a marital bond is almost unheard of,” Spock continues.

 

Kirk blinks in surprise. “But I thought you and Uhura…?” he starts, then winces; someday this habit of speaking before he thinks is going to get him into trouble.

 

Thankfully Spock doesn’t seem offended by the question. “You are correct; my relationship with Lieutenant Uhura did have a sexual component.” Kirk’s confusion must be showing on his face because Spock continues quietly, “I am half-human. I believed it would be… logical to experience a full human relationship. However, Lieutenant Uhura and I were involved for some time before our relationship became sexual.”

 

“Is she the only person you’ve been with?” Kirk asks curiously.

 

Spock nods. “I assume your own number is somewhat higher,” he remarks dryly, raising an eyebrow.

 

“You could say that.” Kirk reaches out and takes Spock’s hand. “But it doesn’t mean I’m not serious about this. I meant what I said before: if you want to go slowly, I can do that.” He grins sheepishly. “You might have to remind me once or twice, though.”

 

Spock shifts his hand and gently rubs their fingertips together. “I admit you are not the only one finding it difficult to resist, Jim,” he says quietly. “The… connection we appear to share affects my ability to shield from your emotions when we touch. I can feel your desire in addition to my own.”

 

“Yeah, I might have a theory about that; I’ve been meaning to mention it.” Kirk runs his free hand through his hair. “The other you said that our minds might be… attuned. Compatible. Apparently theirs are.” He looks at Spock. “I thought that might be what’s causing this connection between us.”

 

Spock appears to consider this, letting go of Kirk’s hand. “It is certainly a possibility. However, the only way to be certain would be with a mindmeld.”

 

“That’s another thing. He said if you ever melded with me, we should be really careful. Apparently there’s a danger of some kind of link forming between our minds.”

 

Spock raises an eyebrow. “I find it unlikely that our minds are that compatible.”

 

Kirk shrugs. “I’m just telling you what he told me. And according to the other me, it happened to them.”

 

Spock’s eyebrows shoot up. “Our counterparts formed a mind link accidentally?” He is silent for a while. “I would like to meld with you. However, in light of this information, it seems wise to consult with my counterpart first.”

 

Kirk nods slowly. In the back of his mind he wonders if this mind link would actually be such a bad thing; after all, the elder Spock said that it saved their lives several times. But he pushes the thought away – there’ll be plenty of time to discuss it all later. “Sounds like a plan,” he agrees.

 

“I will speak with my counterpart tomorrow,” Spock promises. “And I would like to tell Lieutenant Uhura about our relationship. She deserves to hear it from me.”

 

“She’s not going to kill me, is she?” Kirk asks, more than a little nervous. Uhura may be something of a friend now, but the news that Kirk is dating her ex-boyfriend might change that.

 

“I assume you are speaking figuratively?”

 

Kirk snorts. “Yeah. I’m fairly sure she’s not actually going to kill me; for one thing, it’d break about twenty Starfleet regulations.” He makes an attempt at rephrasing. “Is she going to hate me for this?”

 

“It is unlikely.” Spock looks slightly uncomfortable. “I believe she is, to some degree, already aware.”

 

Kirk assimilates this. “Does this have anything to do with why she broke up with you?”

 

Spock pointedly does not look at Kirk, but the edges of his lips twitch upwards as he replies, “I have no comment on the matter.”

 

* * * * *

 

Spock finds himself illogically reluctant to leave the captain’s quarters. They talk for a long time, slowly but surely getting to know one another better. It is surprisingly easy to talk to Kirk, and Spock finds that he is willing to share parts of his life with the other man that he has never shared with anyone else. Perhaps this is because Kirk knows how it feels to be constantly judged and found wanting – Spock in comparison to his full-blooded classmates and Kirk in comparison to his father. They have a lot in common, and Spock marvels that he did not realise it before.

 

He meditates before retiring, though he has difficulty clearing his mind sufficiently to attain the deeper levels. He remembers how Kirk’s mouth felt pressed against his, how Kirk’s fingers felt on his ears, and hastily stops that train of thought, frowning.

 

It has never before been this difficult to suppress his desire; there is something about this particular human that calls to him. Spock considers what Kirk said about their minds being compatible. It does make a certain amount of sense, and would explain why he has felt drawn to Kirk since they met – even at the beginning, when he wanted nothing more than to bring the irritating, insolent cadet down to size.

 

Spock eventually manages to put the situation with Kirk out of his mind and achieve a full meditative state. He feels considerably calmer when he emerges and begins to get ready for bed. But, even in his dreams, he is confronted by blue eyes and a blinding grin.

 

Spock arrives early for his shift the next day and finds the captain’s chair empty. Uhura, however, is already there, sitting at her station. She is absorbed in her work and does not look up until he says her name. He feels a fondness for her; her dedication to her work was one of the things that originally brought them together.

 

“There is something I wish to discuss with you later,” Spock says quietly.

 

She gives him a look that seems to see right through him. “I’m free at lunchtime.”

 

Spock nods. “That is acceptable.”

 

Uhura gives him a tiny smile. “All right then.” She turns back to her station and Spock proceeds over to his.

 

Kirk enters the bridge 8.3 minutes later. Spock turns away from his instruments, and watches as the captain approaches him. “I had a good time last night,” Kirk murmurs, leaning in close. Then, louder as he pulls away, “Anything to report, Mr Spock?”

 

“Nothing of importance, Captain,” Spock responds. He lowers his tone. “I will speak with Lieutenant Uhura over lunch.”

 

Kirk frowns. “I’ll make sure to be extra careful this afternoon, then.” Spock can’t entirely tell whether he is joking. At that moment, they are interrupted by Chekov and Sulu exiting the turbolift, arguing loudly about whether fencing was a Russian invention. He and Kirk exchange looks. “Duty calls,” Kirk says with a sigh and goes to sit in his chair.

 

The morning passes slowly with nothing of interest to show for it. Spock passes the time by reviewing data from the Nexus ribbon. He is mildly surprised when lunchtime finally arrives. Standing up, he stretches and strides over to Uhura.

 

She looks up at his approach, presses a few buttons, then stands. “After you,” she says, gesturing towards the turbolift.

 

Once they are in the turbolift, Spock is unsure how to proceed. It is the first time they have truly spoken since the end of their relationship. “Shall we go to my quarters?” he suggests.

 

Uhura reaches out and stops the lift. “This is about Kirk, isn’t it?” she asks bluntly.

 

Spock blinks. She doesn’t seem particularly upset; more resigned. “Yes.” He sighs. “I have recently come to the conclusion that you were correct.”

 

She observes him levelly. “Have you told him?”

 

Spock can feel his ears heat up. It is an irritating effect of certain emotions and serves as yet another reminder that he is not fully Vulcan. “We are… taking it slowly.”

 

She just looks at him for a moment. “I’m happy for you.”

 

She doesn’t look entirely happy, but Spock refrains from commenting. Instead, he merely says, “Thank you,” and meets her eyes, willing her to know how much he means it.

 

Uhura gives a half-smile and reaches out to start up the lift again. “Is that all?” she asks.

 

Spock nods. “I am gratified that you are taking this so well.”

 

She stares at him, and he sees something flicker briefly in her eyes. “Would it change anything if I wasn’t?”

 

Spock remains silent.

 

At that moment the doors open and she steps out. “I’ll see you later, okay?”

 

He nods, and watches as she walks away.

 

* * *

 

Directly after his shift ends, Spock heads towards his counterpart’s quarters. He is admitted as soon as he buzzes for entry and steps inside. He finds them both sitting on the bed; his counterpart holding a PADD, and Jim leaning against him reading a book – a real, paper book. Spock remembers that the captain has a few books like that and wonders if Jim has borrowed it from him.

 

“Spock,” his counterpart says. “What brings you here?”

 

Spock swallows. “I have come to ask your advice.”

 

Jim straightens up. “I can go get a drink or something, if you two want to talk alone.”

 

Spock considers it for a moment, then shakes his head. “That is not necessary.”

 

“What advice were you looking for?” the elder Spock asks.

 

Taking a breath, Spock begins, “Jim – the captain – explained to me your theory about our minds being compatible. I wish to know how to safely mindmeld with him.”

 

He watches as they exchange glances. “Is there anything in particular that makes you think your minds are especially compatible?” the elder Spock asks, after a moment.

 

Spock explains the electric feeling when they touch, and the difficulty he has in shielding from the captain’s emotions. By the end of his explanation, his counterpart is nodding slowly.

 

“It is as I suspected,” he says.

 

“Am I to understand that the same happened between the two of you?” Spock asks.

 

His elder self exhales. “In a manner of speaking. I was much older than you when Jim and I met and had a great deal more practice at shielding emotions – both my own and others’.” His expression softens as he looks at the elder Kirk. “But I will admit he was always particularly difficult to shut out.”

 

He turns back to address Spock. “I must admit that I cannot give you firsthand knowledge. When I attempted a meld, I was unable to prevent a tenuous link from forming between our minds.”

 

“Yes, Jim informed me of that,” Spock responds. “Is there a way for me to meld with him safely?”

 

His counterpart steeples his fingers in thought. “I would suggest – the first time, merely attempting the very lightest brushing of minds. Then, when you are certain of your control, you can probe more deeply.” He indicates Jim. “Our first mindmeld was performed under… less than ideal circumstances - and so I didn’t have that opportunity.”

 

Spock nods in thought. “I shall attempt it that way, then.” He pauses. “Do you have any other advice?”

 

“Meditation beforehand to bolster your controls. That’s all I can suggest.”

 

Spock holds up his hand in the Vulcan salute. “Thank you for your time.”

 

He leaves their quarters and heads towards the science laboratories, thinking deeply. It is slightly disturbing to him how much he is looking forward to touching Kirk’s mind, even briefly. If their minds are really so attuned, melding should be a completely unique experience.

 

With effort, he puts the situation out of his mind and concentrates on his experiments.

 

* * * * *

 

Spock is busy in the labs for most of the evening, so Kirk takes the time to catch up on his reports. It’s one of the least interesting parts of being captain, and he’s been putting it off for some time, but this thing with Spock has put him in a good mood that even paperwork can’t stop.

 

Still, he’s relieved when someone buzzes for entry and he has an excuse to leave it for a while. He lets the person in, and is surprised to find that it’s Uhura.

 

“Uh, hi - I guess,” he says, feeling vaguely uneasy.

 

“I wanted to talk to you,” she says without preamble, stepping inside.

 

“You talked to Spock?” He can’t think of any reason she’d be here if she hadn’t.

 

“Yes.” She frowns. “Are you serious about this? I don’t want him to get hurt.”

 

Kirk considers reminding her who, exactly, once strangled whom. Instead, he meets her gaze squarely. “I’m completely serious.” He realises as he says it that he’s talking to the person who once caught him hiding under her roommate’s bed, and sighs.

 

“Look, you don’t have to believe me.”

 

“I’d like to believe you, but on the other hand, I actually know you.” She trails her hand along the wall, and Kirk has a sudden vision of pressing Spock up against that same wall. He hopes his face isn’t turning red.

 

Uhura pulls her hand back and continues abruptly, “I want you to know – if you hurt him, I’ll castrate you. Slowly.”

 

Kirk swallows; it’s disconcerting that he can’t tell if she’s serious. “I think there’s a rule against threatening your captain,” he says, voice slightly higher than usual.

 

“It isn’t a threat, it’s a warning,” she tells him seriously, then turns and strides out of the room. Kirk looks after her, wondering idly if this is why relationships with colleagues are generally considered a bad idea.

 

He spends the next few minutes wondering if he can get McCoy to threaten Spock. He gives up when he figures McCoy’s response would likely be something along the lines of, ‘You wanted to sleep with the hobgoblin; you can deal with the fallout.’ Kirk knows his best friend would be the first to step in if he was really in trouble, but if his relationship with Spock ever falls under that heading, Kirk thinks he’ll probably have bigger problems.

 

Sighing heavily, he goes back to his paperwork with even less enthusiasm than before.

 

* * *

 

Kirk isn’t actually expecting Spock to stop by – he said his work in the labs would take all evening – so he’s surprised and gratified when he answers the buzzer at around 23:30 and Spock walks in.

 

“Am I disturbing you?” he asks.

 

Kirk smiles. “Definitely not.” He extends two fingers in the gesture that Spock taught him, and thinks he’s beginning to get used to the tingling sensation when Spock meets them with his own.

 

“I spoke to my counterpart,” Spock says, as their hands drop.

 

“Really? So what’s the news?”

 

Spock folds his hands behind his back. “The two of them first melded under stressful conditions, and consequently, he was not sufficiently careful. We will likely not have that issue, and he has given me some advice that may help us.”

 

“You mean, explaining where he went wrong?” Kirk takes a moment to ponder just how strange this conversation really is.

 

“Yes. I must admit that gaining the input of someone who has done this before is most useful.” Spock shifts slightly. “We will not have time to attempt it tonight. However, if you are amenable, I would like to begin with the first stage tomorrow evening.”

 

Kirk frowns. “First stage?”

 

“He suggested starting with a very light meld, to test my control.” Spock looks uncomfortable. “But Jim – we do not have to do this, if you would prefer not to. It is not necessary.”

 

Kirk considers this for a few seconds. “But surely it would be better to do it now, so if it ever does become necessary, we won’t be unprepared. I mean, you said that was their problem.”

 

Spock raises his eyebrows, and then his lips twitch upwards. “Your logic is sound.”

 

Kirk crosses his arms and gives a mock glare. “Don’t say that like you’re surprised. I can be very logical.”

 

“And yet you so seldom are.” Spock is almost radiating amused smugness. Right now, there’s only one sure-fire way to shut the Vulcan up.

 

Uncrossing his arms, Kirk steps into Spock’s personal space and pulls him into a kiss. It’s a struggle to keep things from going too far, and when they break apart, he takes a deliberate step backwards.

 

“Will the mindmeld make the connection between us stronger?” Kirk asks, trying to keep his mind under control.

 

“I cannot answer that,” Spock replies, regret glinting in his eyes.

 

Kirk runs a hand through his hair and gives a huff of laughter. “It’s hard to imagine what that would be like.”

 

They stare at each other in silence for a moment; Spock extends two fingers. “It is late. I should go.”

 

Kirk fights down the impulse to suggest that Spock should stay with him, and at that moment truly realises how important it is to him to have Spock know that he’s serious about this. He’s fairly sure that if he asked Spock to stay right now, he would, but if he does, it’ll be that much harder to convince him that this isn’t just about sex.

 

And so he smiles, pressing his fingertips gently against Spock’s. “I’ll see you in the morning.”

 

Spock leaves with a nod. Kirk flops down on the bed, his thoughts turning quickly to his mixed feelings about the mindmeld tomorrow. On one hand, given what happens when they touch, melding should be an absolutely incredible experience. On the other hand, he still remembers the ambassador’s mindmeld in that cave on Delta Vega, and the almost overwhelming feelings of grief and guilt that came with it. The insight into just how deeply Vulcans can feel has stayed with him, and he isn’t sure he could bear that kind of pain a second time.

 

Sighing, he pulls himself up and begins to get ready for bed. He doesn’t precisely regret not asking Spock to stay, but it is almost impossible to get his mind off the Vulcan. Even before he somehow developed his so called ‘ridiculous crush’ on Spock, it'd been too damn long since he actually spent the night with someone. Shore leaves were few and far between, and, though there were a few crewmembers that seemed interested, he didn't dare do anything that might jeopardise his position. He rubs his hand across his lips, remembering the kiss from last night, and groans.

 

I just hope this is worth it.


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