My Mind to Your Mind

[lah_mrh]

Fandom: Star Trek TOS
Pairing: Kirk/Spock
Rating: PG
Summary: When Spock enters Kirk's mind to help him heal from a telepathic attack, he finds something he doesn't expect.
Words: ~1600
Notes: Written for angelus2hot for happy_trekmas

McCoy sighs deeply, shaking his head. "I've done everything I can," he says. "I don't know how else to treat him. I've never seen anything like this. According to all the readings, he's perfectly healthy. But he won't wake up."

Spock glances up from where he is observing Kirk's still form. "His body is undamaged," he says. "The damage is in his mind." His gaze returns to Kirk, guilt pricking at him as he remembers the scene of a few hours ago.

He and Kirk beamed down with a landing party as part of a diplomatic mission to a planet near the Romulan neutral zone. Everything was fine until one of the locals took umbrage to Spock's presence and sent out a telepathic attack, one that would likely have crippled Spock if Kirk had not stepped in front of him and taken the blow instead.

It is my job to protect him, and yet he continually protects me, even to his own detriment. Spock clasps his hands a little tighter behind his back and draws in a breath, the memories sharp and painful in his mind. Kirk collapsed instantly, like a puppet whose strings had been cut, and he has yet to regain consciousness. The fact that the assailant was restrained and taken into custody immediately following the attack comes as little comfort.

"Spock?" McCoy's voice breaks into Spock's thoughts and he realises that he has been staring silently at Kirk for some minutes. He looks up to see the doctor watching him, a hint of concern in his eyes.

"If you've got any ideas, I'm all ears," McCoy says.

Ordinarily Spock would make a comment about the illogic of human expressions, but he is not currently in the mood. "Only one, Doctor," he says, eyes straying once more to Kirk's unconscious body. "Since the damage is to his mind, the healing must also take place there."

"You mean a mind meld?" McCoy's tone is not encouraging, but Spock chooses to ignore it. There will be time to discuss the doctor's illogical discomfort with Vulcan culture and rituals later, once Kirk is safe.

"Indeed," he says instead.

"And what if whatever happened to Jim drags you down too?" McCoy asks.

"It is a risk I am prepared to take," Spock tells him. It is, after all, what Kirk would do for him.

He rubs his hands together slowly in preparation. "If you have no objections?" he asks. Not that they would stop him.

McCoy seems to have the same thought. "If I say no, you'll just do it anyway, won't you?" he grumbles, then waves a hand in the general direction of Kirk's body. "Fine, go ahead. But don't say I didn't warn you."

Spock nods once in acceptance, then steps forward and carefully positions his fingers on Kirk's face. My mind to your mind…

He and Kirk have melded several times in the past, and each time Spock has been left in awe at the strength and brightness of his friend's mind. But this time things are different. Kirk's mind is dark, as if all the life has been drained out of it. Spock suppresses a mental shiver and begins to search.

It isn't long before he comes across a wall, preventing him from going any further. It seems as though Kirk's mind has put up a block to protect him, and Spock concludes that Kirk's essence will be behind that wall.

It's strong for a non-telepath, but Spock knows he could break through it with ease. He doesn't attempt it, however. Forcing his way in will do more harm than good, and the last thing he wants is to risk hurting Kirk more than he already has been hurt.

Instead he lays a mental hand against the wall and calls softly, Jim? It is Spock. Can you hear me?

There is no response, but the wall seems to shimmer slightly. Encouraged, Spock continues, You can come out now. The attack is over. You are safe. He hesitates, then adds, I will not leave you.

The wall shimmers again, and he hears Kirk's voice in his mind. Spock? Then, joyfully, Spock!

The wall abruptly evaporates, causing Spock to stumble in surprise. Suddenly Kirk's essence is all around him, warm and bright and colourful. I knew you'd come.

The sheer affection surrounding the words is overwhelming, leaving Spock almost speechless at the trust Kirk has in him. We should return, he tells Kirk. Doctor McCoy will be worried.

Ah, Kirk replies knowingly. And I suppose he's the only one who's worried?

Spock does not bother to deny it. The safety of one's superior officer is a logical concern.

Of course, Kirk agrees, his amusement like music in Spock's mind. Affection swells again, bringing with it something Spock hesitates to name. Come on, then, Kirk says. Let's go home.

Spock feels oddly bereft as he emerges from Kirk's mind and steps back, his hand falling from Kirk's cheek. For a moment nothing happens, then Kirk opens his eyes and groans.

"Ow, my head," he grumbles, reaching up to rub his temples as McCoy runs a tricorder over him. "It feels like I was hit by a truck."

"Not entirely inaccurate," Spock tells him. "Although the truck in question was mental, rather than physical." He clasps his hands behind his back and adds, "I have healed the worst of the damage, but it would be beneficial if you were to 'take it easy' for the next few days."

"Hey, I'm the doctor here," McCoy interjects, then adds grudgingly, "But he's right, Jim. Starting now, you're off duty for twenty four hours, and I want you to rest. No work."

Kirk opens his mouth, then rubs at his temple again and closes it. McCoy seems to take pity on him and jabs him in the shoulder with a hypospray. "That should help with the pain."

"Thanks," Kirk mumbles. "Guess I'll go back to my quarters and lie down." His gaze flickers to Spock, and he smiles. "Care to accompany me, Mister Spock?"

Spock allows his expression to soften in response. "Of course, Captain."

* * *

It isn't until his meditation session that evening that Spock allows himself to fully contemplate the emotion he found in Kirk's mind. It isn't too difficult to put a name to it, and only slightly more so to admit that the feeling is reciprocated. The question is what to do about it.

He still has not decided on an answer to that question when he is broken out of his meditation by a knocking on his door. The bathroom door, to be exact, which means there is only one person it can be.

Spock stands, his heart beating a little faster in his side, and opens the door to reveal Kirk. "Captain," he greets, taking care to keep his tone even. "Should you not be resting?"

"I was," Kirk says. "But I just… I guess I wanted to talk to someone." He avoids Spock's gaze, as if is embarrassed by the words.

"Understandable," Spock tells him. He has noticed that humans often deal with trauma by talking about it. He moves aside so that Kirk can enter, and adds, "Would you like some tea?"

Kirk smiles briefly. "Sure, why not?" he replies.

Spock turns away to make the tea, and it isn't long before he and Kirk are both sitting at the desk with steaming cups in front of them.

Kirk toys with the rim of his cup for a moment, then blurts, "I wanted to thank you."

"Indeed?" Spock asks.

Kirk nods. "I don't remember much about… the attack, but I remember I was lost, and alone, and then suddenly I wasn't. This warm, comforting presence came and showed me the way back. And that was you. You saved me."

"You saved me first," Spock counters, unsure what else to say. "The attack was meant for me."

Kirk waves a hand, dismissing the statement. "Shut up and let me be grateful," he replies with a smile.

He takes a sip of his tea, and when he sets it down the smile has been replaced with an oddly serious expression. "You have a beautiful mind, you know," he says quietly. "I never get tired of seeing it."

"I could say the same to you," Spock replies. The words hang in the air, and his heart begins pounding in his side as it dawns on him that if he is ever going to speak to Kirk about what he found in his mind, now is the time.

"Jim," he begins, "when I was in your mind, I became aware of a certain… regard for me. A regard that I share," he adds quickly, as Kirk's eyes widen.

"I'm not sure what you mean," Kirk says.

Spock's courage nearly abandons him, but he manages to continue, "You wish a romantic relationship with me. I am not averse to this."

He thinks the look of shock on Kirk's face would be amusing in another situation. As it is, he is relieved when the look fades, to be replaced by one that could be termed flirtatious. "In that case, Mister Spock," Kirk murmurs, "I can think of more interesting things than tea."

He takes hold of Spock's hand, stroking his thumb across the palm, and Spock has to force himself not to shiver. "Is that so?" he asks, trying for indifference and failing. "Perhaps you should show me."

Kirk grins wickedly and proceeds to do so.