Hearts and Minds: Chapter 3 - Discovery Part 2

[lah_mrh]

Fandom: Star Trek Reboot (although numerous references to TOS)
Pairing: Kirk Prime/Spock Prime, Spock/Uhura, eventual Kirk/Spock
Rating: PG-13
Beta: secret_chord25, many thanks.
Summary: When the Enterprise encounters a ship caught in the Nexus, their rescue attempt beams aboard someone unexpected; Kirk Prime. Kirk and Spock are forced to confront what their counterparts' relationship might mean for their own.
Notes: I went with what seems to be the most common pronunciation of t'hy'la - kinda wish we could've heard it on screen just once. Did anyone ever ask Roddenberry how it's meant to be pronounced?
Words: ~3200/33000

 

Kirk practically bounds into McCoy’s office. “Bones, how’re you doing?”

 

McCoy looks up with his usual annoyed expression. “I take it you’re finally off duty?”

 

“Yep,” Kirk replies proudly. “As of ten minutes ago, I’m a free man – until the next crisis hits, at least. And you’ll be happy to know that Scotty finally got the engines fixed.” He flops down in the chair opposite McCoy. “How’s Old Spock?”

 

“Does he know you call him that?”

 

Kirk shrugs. “He seems to think it’s funny. Besides, it helps tell them apart.”

 

“He’s doing fine, from what I can tell – not that I’m exactly an expert on Vulcans. And his human half makes it all the more complicated.” McCoy stands up and begins rummaging in one of the cupboards behind him. “Did you learn anything from Saunders?”

 

“No – he won’t talk to anyone but his cousin, and he’s no help.” Kirk sighs. “I just wish I knew why.”

 

He raises his eyebrows as McCoy emerges with a bottle of bourbon and two glasses. “What’s this in honour of?”

 

McCoy sits down and pours them both a glass. “In honour of how much I don’t want to have the following conversation.” He takes a generous swallow. “Have you noticed how close the other you and Spock are?”

 

“Yeah,” Kirk replies, shrugging. “They’re best friends. Like we are.”

 

McCoy almost chokes on his bourbon. “No, not just like we are.” He gives Kirk a meaningful look. “They were holding hands.”

 

Kirk shifts in his seat. It’s as if he and McCoy are having two different conversations. “So?”

 

McCoy’s expression changes to a very familiar ‘you’re an idiot’ look. Kirk wonders sometimes if the members of his crew actually practice that look, because McCoy, Spock and Uhura are all masters of it. “Did you sleep through the section on Vulcans in Xenobiology?”

 

Kirk grins. “Well, there was this really hot instructor….”

 

McCoy shakes his head. “Typical.” He sighs and leans forward. “Hand-to-hand contact is how Vulcans kiss. Holding hands like that isn’t something they’d do with a friend, no matter how close they are.”

 

It finally begins to sink in, and Kirk blinks, hard. “What’re you saying? You think they’re lovers?”

 

“I’m sure of it.” McCoy tops off both of their glasses resignedly. “Cheers.”

 

Kirk is silent for a while, trying to think all of this through. If McCoy is right, it explains a lot. The ambassador’s hastily concealed surprise at the news that Spock and Uhura were dating; the reunion between him and Kirk’s counterpart; the feeling that the two of them could read each other’s minds-

 

And then it slams into him - how strange Spock acted after he mindmelded with his elder self. “He knows.”

 

“Who knows what?”

 

“Spock. Knows about the old him-and-me. He must’ve seen it in the mindmeld.” Kirk frowns. “I knew he was acting strange.”

 

“Sounds like you and the pointy-eared bastard need to sit down and talk about this.”

 

“Yeah, right, ‘cause that’ll go brilliantly.” Kirk takes a long drink and places his glass back on the desk. “It doesn’t mean anything, anyway.”

 

He wants to take the words back when McCoy begins to look particularly interested; that expression never bodes well for him. “I never said it did.”

 

“They’re not us.”

 

McCoy leans forward. “Are you trying to convince me or yourself there, Jim?”

 

Kirk knows what he should say, but he can’t quite form the words. He takes another drink and holds out his glass for a refill.

 

He considered it, once or twice, but Spock seemed to be happy with Uhura – or as happy as Spock ever got, anyway. He certainly wasn’t going to be the one to come between them – Kirk did have some rules when it came to sex, despite what McCoy might say, and one of them was that he didn’t break up relationships. He put Spock firmly in the ‘unavailable’ category a long time ago, and he was dealing with it. And now the universe has decided to shove it in his face.

 

“I don’t know,” Kirk finally answers. “Does it matter?”

 

“I still think you should talk to him.” McCoy nods his head in the direction of the ambassador’s  bed. “Or maybe try talking to them.”

 

That isn’t a bad idea. In fact, Kirk decides, he’d quite like to have a ‘Why the hell didn’t you tell me?’ conversation with the elder Spock. “I guess I’ll start with them.” He considers his glass for a moment and drains it; something tells him this isn’t a conversation he’ll want to have sober.

 

When he’s finished, he bids goodbye to McCoy and, with a sigh, heads off to talk to his and Spock’s counterparts.

 

He finds them playing chess. Kirk wonders for a second where they got the 3D board, but is quickly distracted by the game. The first thing he notices is that his counterpart actually seems to be winning. Kirk never manages to win against Spock – the closest he’s managed so far is a stalemate. The second thing he notices is that when Jim goes to pick up his bishop, he deliberately brushes his fingers against the elder Spock’s. Suddenly, Kirk starts to understand what McCoy meant about hand to hand contact.

 

He steps forward. “Hey.”

 

They both look up at the same time. Jim grins, and Spock gives a tiny smile – the Vulcan equivalent of a grin.

 

“Hello,” Jim says. “Come to watch us play chess?”

 

“Can you teach me to beat Spock?” Kirk asks, in an attempt to avoid the real issue.

 

They both look amused. “The best tip I can give you,” Jim says, picking up a knight, “is to play illogically.” He moves the knight up a level. “Like so.”

 

Spock quickly makes a move in retaliation and Jim sighs. “Unfortunately, he’s grown wise to me after all these years. Might work with your Spock, though.”

 

“I still win only fifty-six point two percent of the time, Jim,” the elder Spock puts in. “I have not grown wise to all your tricks.” He looks ever-so-slightly smug as he adds, “However, I anticipate checkmate in six.”

 

“We’ll see about that, my friend,” Jim responds. He looks up at Kirk. “Was there something you wanted?”

 

“Yeah, actually.” Kirk shuffles his feet. Should’ve had more bourbon. He takes a deep breath and blurts it out. “McCoy thinks the two of you are a couple.”

 

He stares very intently at the floor. There’s complete silence for a moment, and then he hears Jim say, “I told you they’d figure it out.” As Kirk looks up in surprise, he adds, “Y’know, Bones was the first person to figure it out in our reality, too.”

 

“So it’s true, then?” It isn’t really a surprise, but somehow hearing it confirmed makes it more real.

 

Spock sighs heavily. “Yes, it is true. I did not intend you to find out.”

 

Kirk frowns. “Why not?”

 

“As I have already explained to my counterpart, I wished the two of you to develop a relationship free of my interference.”

 

“I told him it was a bad idea,” Jim puts in.

 

“Spock came to see you?” Kirk asks, trying to focus on one thing at a time.

 

“He did, and I shall tell you the same thing I told him: I do not expect your relationship to mirror our own. The timelines have changed; it’s possible that is no longer your destiny.”

 

“Unless that’s what you want,” Jim adds. He pauses. “Is that what you want?”

 

“I... hadn’t really thought about it,” Kirk lies.

 

Jim shrugs. “Well, if you want some tips…”

 

“Jim!” Spock chides. He gets an amused look in response.

 

There’s so much about their relationship that Kirk is curious about. He pulls up a chair and sits down. “Can I ask you some questions?”

 

“I suppose, though I can’t guarantee that we’ll answer them,” Jim replies. “What do you want to know?”

 

Kirk decides to start at the beginning. “How long have you been together?”

 

Jim frowns. “That really depends on how you count. By my reckoning, twenty years.”

 

Kirk takes a moment to let that sink in. Twenty years. “That’s almost my entire life.”

 

“Oh, don’t say that,” Jim complains, turning to look at Spock. “How many people can claim to be old enough to be their own father?”

 

“I believe the honour is ours alone, Jim. Although, if I may point out, I am now considerably older than you are.”

 

“Yeah, but in Vulcan terms you’re hardly older at all.”

 

They seem in danger of forgetting that he’s there, so Kirk quickly jumps in with another question. “What about Starfleet? I mean, he was your first officer, right? Didn’t that cause problems?” From what he’s read, relationships in the chain of command aren’t actually forbidden, but they’re heavily frowned upon.

 

Jim stretches in his chair. “Starfleet didn’t exactly approve of our relationship, but they knew we were stronger together. Even after Spock was promoted they didn’t separate us.” He gives the elder Spock a fond look. “You could’ve had a ship of your own.”

 

“I had no desire to command. I was quite content to serve as your first officer.”

 

Jim nods, grinning. “Ah, so it was a completely logical decision.”

 

The corners of Spock’s mouth twitch upwards. “Of course.”

 

Something occurs to Kirk. “Y’know… you never did tell me how you could tell he was hurt.”

 

The two older men exchange glances. “You want to answer that one?” Jim asks.

 

“Very well.” Spock steeples his fingers. “Vulcan couples traditionally share a telepathic bond. It allows the partners to communicate without speaking, and to experience each other’s emotions. Jim and I share such a bond, and it was this that alerted him to my... distress.”

 

Kirk blinks. “So you really can read each other’s thoughts!”

 

“Not all the time,” Jim puts in hastily. “I think I’d go crazy. And it’d take all the fun out of our chess games.” As if to underscore this bit of information, he makes a move on the chessboard. “But it’s pretty useful if we want to communicate without anyone overhearing.”

 

“It has saved our lives on several occasions,” Spock adds.

 

“So how does it work, exactly?” Kirk asks curiously.

 

“I can’t read Spock’s thoughts unless he lets me, and it took me a long time until I could shield well enough to prevent him from reading mine – though he only ever did it without permission in emergencies.” Jim leans back in his chair. “In theory, the connection between us should be fairly weak, given that I’m human and Spock’s half-human. In reality, he once heard my thoughts from lightyears away – and that was before we were fully bonded.”

 

“The strength of our bond was somewhat unprecedented,” Spock adds. “Our minds are apparently remarkably attuned.”

 

“So, does that mean that mine and Spock’s minds are… attuned?” Kirk asks quickly, already poring over the possibilities.

 

His counterpart and Spock’s exchange glances again. “I cannot answer that,” the elder Spock responds. “But I would suspect so, yes. If the two of you ever mindmeld, I would advise caution.”

 

“The first time we melded, he actually created a link between our minds,” Jim says. “Which is supposedly impossible to do by accident.”

 

“Not impossible,” Spock corrects. “It is, however, exceedingly unlikely.” He gives Jim a fond look. “You have an extremely dynamic mind.”

 

Another question occurs to Kirk. “Can you say his full name?” Spock told him it was unpronounceable by humans; Kirk would quite like to prove him wrong.

 

Jim rattles off something in rapid Vulcan, ending with ‘Spock’. He glances at the elder Spock, as if checking that he got it right; his response is a nod.

 

“Took me six months to learn how to say it properly,” Jim remarks. “But apparently most humans can’t pronounce it at all, so….”

 

“Most humans would not have the patience to learn, t’hy’la,” Spock responds. “And it took my mother rather longer than six months; you should be proud of your accomplishment.” He looks at Jim affectionately, and Kirk is hit with a sudden wish to see his Spock look at him like that.

 

He looks from one of them to the other and suddenly can't breathe from the pain. Here is living proof of what he could have with Spock if things were different – if Spock hadn’t picked Uhura instead. He’s suddenly hit with how unfair the universe is, and needs to get out, get away. “I should go,” he mumbles, standing up.

 

He is confronted by matching looks of understanding and sympathy, which only make him feel worse. “Can we talk more some other time?”

 

“Absolutely,” Jim promises. “And don’t give up hope.”

 

Kirk bites back the retort on the tip of his tongue and nods instead. He takes one last look at the two of them, then leaves.

 

He spends the journey to his quarters trying not to think about how happy his and Spock’s counterparts  seemed, and mostly failing. It’s a surprise when he actually gets to his quarters and finds the younger Spock waiting outside. “Captain,” Spock greets, and then corrects himself, “Jim.”

 

Kirk blinks. That’s the first time Spock’s called him ‘Jim’ without being prompted, not counting times when Kirk’s been in mortal peril. “What’re you doing here, Spock?”

 

“I find that I am free tonight after all. Are you still interested in a game of chess?”

 

Kirk frowns. “I thought you had plans with Uhura.”

 

“Lieutenant Uhura has terminated our romantic relationship.” Spock’s voice is perfectly expressionless; he may as well be commenting on the weather.

 

“She dumped you?” Kirk blurts in surprise, then winces inwardly. Probably could have phrased that better.

 

Spock’s expression doesn’t change, but his ears turn an interesting shade of green. “I believe that is one way of describing the situation, yes.”

 

Kirk resolutely pushes down the part of himself that is rejoicing at the news. Spock likely needs a friend right now, and, aside from Uhura, he’s probably the only friend that Spock has. “Are you okay?”

 

Spock inclines his head. “I am adequate.”

 

Kirk rubs the back of his neck. “I guess you’d better come in.”

 

He lets Spock set up the chessboard while he changes out of his uniform. “So did she say why she broke up with you?” he asks, pulling on a clean shirt.

 

“I would prefer not to discuss it at this point,” Spock replies, voice still carefully expressionless.

 

Kirk shrugs. “Okay.” He raises the temperature a few degrees out of consideration to Spock, then sits down across from him. “Actually, I think there’s something else we should talk about.” There’s a voice in the back of his head telling him not to open this can of worms, but McCoy has a point – they’re going to have to discuss it at some point.

 

Spock raises an eyebrow. “And what would that be?”

 

Kirk holds his gaze. “Our counterparts.”

 

It’s as if all of the oxygen suddenly goes out of the room. “You are aware of the nature of their relationship,” Spock says, after a moment.

 

“You mean that they’re not just really good friends? Yeah.”

 

“My counterpart did not inform you of this before?”

 

“He told me they were friends.” Kirk shrugs. “Of course, he also told me the universe would explode if the two of you met.” He looks at Spock. “I’m guessing you didn’t know either – I mean, before you went wandering around in his head.”

 

Spock shakes his head. “I am unsure what to do with this information,” he admits. “Meditation has not helped, and so I thought that it might be worthwhile to discuss the situation with you.”

 

“It doesn’t have to change anything,” Kirk says. “If that’s what you’re worried about. They’re not us.”

 

He sees something flicker in Spock’s eyes for just a second, but the emotion is gone before he can identify it. Kirk gestures to the board.

 

“Let’s play.”

 

Kirk takes his counterpart’s advice and plays illogically – even more so than usual. He doesn’t expect it to work, and breaks into a grin when Spock tips his king in concession. “I knew I’d beat you one day!” Maybe he should have a few drinks before playing more often.

 

He expected Spock to be annoyed at the win, but instead he looks almost… impressed. “You may be a worthwhile opponent after all,” Spock tells him. Kirk decides to take that as a compliment.

 

“You know,” he says as he sets up the board for a second match, “the other you and me play chess, too.”

 

Spock raises an eyebrow. “Indeed?”

 

“Yep. And you only win slightly more than half the time.”

 

Spock eyes him suspiciously. “You have been getting tips on how to beat me.”

 

“Yeah,” Kirk replies, grinning, “but I was getting them from myself, so it doesn’t really count.”

 

Spock doesn’t look convinced, but doesn’t argue. Kirk counts that as a point in his favour.

 

About halfway into their second game, Kirk finds the courage to bring up something he’s been thinking about. “Can I ask you a question?”

 

Spock looks up from where he is considering his next move. “That is a question.”

 

Kirk ignores that. “There’s this Vulcan word that the other you called the other me. I was wondering what it meant.”

 

Spock observes him neutrally. “What word?”

 

Kirk tries to pronounce it. “Tuh-hi-lah?”

 

“T’hy’la,” Spock responds.

 

“That’s it!” Kirk exclaims. “What does it mean?”

 

Spock stares very intently at the chessboard. “Friend. Brother. Lover.”

 

“All at once?” From what he’s seen, and heard, it sounds about right.

 

“Not necessarily. It is a word used to describe a person with which one shares a lifelong relationship, whether platonic or otherwise.” Spock’s expression shifts. “However, it is very rarely used unless all of the definitions apply. Our counterparts are apparently no exception.”

 

Kirk frowns. “How much of their relationship did you see in his head?”

 

Spock glances up and then goes back to staring at the board. “Largely flashes. Some were of moments such as this: playing chess, or working together. Some were considerably more… intimate.”

 

Spock finally makes a move, and Kirk studies the chessboard without really seeing it. He thinks for a moment about asking Spock to show him, but the many, many reasons why that’s a bad idea stop him. “Are you going to be okay? I mean it’s got to be a weird situation.”

 

“It is somewhat discomfiting,” Spock admits. “However, I am determined not to allow it to affect me.”

 

Kirk feels an ache in his chest, as well as the sudden desire to yell at Spock, You’ve seen what we can have together, how can you not want that?

 

But, he reminds himself firmly, Spock has only just broken up with Uhura, and now really isn’t the best time. He rapidly moves the conversation to less dangerous topics.

 

Kirk loses the second game, but only just. Spock leaves Kirk’s quarters with a promise to play again the next night, and Kirk collapses onto his bed. “When did my life get so complicated?” he mutters darkly, wondering why all of the problems in his life seem to trace back to people named Spock.


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